Frustratingly exhausted !

I have barely done anything today. I went for a two hour walk but when I got back I felt exhausted but not managed to have a nap yet. Again I woke up this morning and the bedroom lamp was off. It’s weird because I know that I didn’t turn it off. Yesterday I woke up and it was on. However both days I woke up during the weekend it was off. I woke up attached to a cat this morning. Both of mine always go to sleep next to me during the night. Mister had hooked his paw to my pj top arm. I turned over and his front leg came with me. The funny part was he didn’t wake up. That shows how comfy he felt and he looked like he was in a deep sleep. I have moved him from my chair to the bed before without him waking up. He’s such a lazy cat. He’s let his sister catch a mouse or bird etc and then bought it in pretending he had caught it for me. It’s also funny because he’s a wimp compared to the other car. Mimi is tiny yet he will run and hide, whereas Mimi will go towards the threat either staring it out or hissing at it. A lot of times that threat is Dave who is the cat which turned up on my doorstep and has half moved in.

This exhaustion is getting to me though. I need to do the housework and some college work but I just can’t do it. My energy levels aren’t even getting higher eating anything. I can normally get a bit by eating but that’s not working today. I miss the days when I had some energy stores left. I wish that I’d have made the most of those days when I had energy and wasn’t constantly exhausted. The last burst of proper energy I had was trying to persuade the other person to drop the restraining order or at least amend it so it wasn’t for life. Then I get punished for that and the stress of everything just took the rest of my energy away. Remember I was shoved in a cell because I was petrified of going to court for breaking it so I kept avoiding the court date. I let go because I do not have the energy to try to make my point anymore to persuade others I do not deserve it. I have made it clear what I want and I’m no longer going to spell it out again. This illness is at a stage where I could do with others support rather than slating. If others aren’t prepared to do that then I can’t be bother with them. I haven’t the energy to deal with people throwing crap at me for the past. There is a good chance that behaviour issues were just the beginning of all this I’m experiencing now. At least my ocd emailing has finally gone because I am too exhausted to use my energy for things like that. That is what others wanted so now I’m kind of controlled enough to be friends with… anyway, I must go to feed the cats as Mimi keeps getting up and checking to see if I’ve noticed it’s their feeding time yet and I can hear mister moving around.



Author: Diary Of A Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. The blogger was labelled a criminal for the affects of her illness. Diary Of A Painfully Shy Introvert was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).