Dedicated to my son, Jonny (name probably changed officially after adoption). His 6th birthday is today.

I would just like to dedicate this entry to my son. He was adopted (as I’ve previously mentioned in other posts). He would be just turning 6 now. He was actually born on a Monday. 6 years ago last Friday I had to go into hospital to be induced because he was late. I spent the whole weekend in pain because being induced hurts. I thought that wasn’t pleasant until I got to the actual labour pains. I had an epidural eventually because I was literally begging for pain relief that actually worked. The gas and air just didn’t do it for me. It wasn’t even taking the edge off of contraction pains.

On a positive side, I don’t feel pain as severely since going through child birth. I can bang myself on things and barely feel it. People look at me like didn’t that hurt, and I’m just like… no. I was unfortunate to have an awful experience because it was long and drawn out. It put me off ever having any more children, but I was later told by others that first pregnancies and births can be the worse and after those it’s more straight forward because your body has done it before. I’m certainly not planning to have any more children though.

Anyway, I’m going to leave you with photos I’ve selected of my son before he was adopted. I don’t know what he looks like now, as I’ve stated before, I do not get letterbox contact. I’ve started the collection of photos from the scans (including 3D) to the photos taken up until he was adopted. And, Jonny, wherever you may be, please always remember I loved you very much. I am aware that he isn’t old enough to be able to see this, however, if the adoptive parents know who I am and they read the blog, I hope they let him know that I never said goodbye because I’d never have left him by choice. Sometimes in life we don’t have a choice. It doesn’t matter about feelings or what we want. I never wanted to leave him but I never managed to overturn the placement order, so I had to leave. I hope that they tell him about how his Mother subsequently stopped other people’s children being adopted because I got an out of area judge sent over here and shook up the system. I only wish that I could have stopped his too. Until we meet again (if we ever do). You were wanted more than you’ll ever know. I love you Jonny. Goodnight x

 

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Author: Diary Of A Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. The blogger was labelled a criminal for the affects of her illness. Diary Of A Painfully Shy Introvert was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).