Exam revision break needed.

I’m just taking time out of exam revision for a few hours. I am at the point where I’m no longer taking any information in. I’m quite tired because I woke up at a stupid hour this morning (due to one of the cats waking me up) and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I am going to attempt to have a nap because I don’t think I can concentrate on what I’m trying to learn for my exam in 2 days. Unit 2 is a lot harder because the laws, defences to answer questions on the scenario in the exam question. I find application quite challenging because I forget a lot of information. I’m trying to reserve as much energy as possible (because as regular readers are aware, I do not have much energy at times) in order to make sure my memory doesn’t let me down in the exam. I only went for a short walk today when I went to the doctors to have my blood test this morning.

I don’t watch the wright stuff much nowadays, but I caught a bit of it earlier. I’m either not up when I am at home or out doing things. I saw the bit about shops wanting to charge more for plus sized clothing. I have always disliked the fact that, as someone who is petite, I have been charged more for petite ranges of clothing than the ones with what they class as ‘normal’ measurements. I have to buy petite trousers because the normal length ones always drag on the ground unless I wear heels or wedges (which nowadays isn’t something I do regularly).

I’m absolutely fed up of hearing about ‘the royal wedding’. I do not know the couple and have no interest in the royal family so I just have absolutely no desire to hear all the talk about upcoming events. It kind of makes me feel quite down because I know that I’ll never get married. I don’t even wish to get married. I have no desire in that area. However, I don’t like others ramming their weddings and relationships down my throat in any shape or form. This is what I feel like it does with all the press coverage. Some of us are destined to be alone and will never have all that is being promoted right now. I never used to want to accept that, however, I matured and now have learned to accept that I probably will never have a relationship. I don’t feel like I have to make a compulsory effort if I’m not comfortable anymore though.

I don’t want to force any interactions because that is never a good way to form relationships or even maintain them. I simply can’t be who I am not. And anyway, I’m stupid when it comes to love etc. I still have feelings for someone who doesn’t want to ever see me again and I know they’re in a relationship with another. I must have been deluded and naïve in the first place to fall in love with them after how I ended up getting treated. We never know what we’re getting ourselves into until we’re in too deep and catch feelings. I will always have that hope that they change their mind in regards to me. I would take friendship because I respect that they are with another and it is in serious relationship territory. I know that they could never love me because I am just not someone who could ever be loved. I will always care though.


Author: Diary Of A Painfully Shy Introvert

A blog written by a female diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome but suspected PDA in more recent years. The blogger was labelled a criminal for the affects of her illness. Diary Of A Painfully Shy Introvert was created to not only create awareness of the PDA part of the spectrum; but also to educate the public hopefully creating understanding in order to stop future generations being let down and labelled negatively. Disclaimer: There may be parts of this blog which viewers may find upsetting as it contains accounts of real life events which have been quite traumatic. However, it is all to help create a sense of understanding and combat the fear surrounding all aspects of mental illness and Pathological Avoidance Syndrome (a very little understood part of the autistic spectrum).